There is a comforting mantra my mother-in-law would often share in challenging times: “Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” It is often attributed to John Lennon or Oscar Wilde.
On the surface, it sounds like a bit of “toxic positivity”, the kind of thing you see on a sunset-themed Instagram post when life feels like it’s falling apart. But if we look closer, through the lens of psychology, resilience, and even biology, this saying carries a profound truth about the human experience.
It isn’t a promise that life will be perfect; it’s a perspective on process.
The beauty of this quote lies in its refusal to accept a snapshot as the finished portrait, the power of “not yet”. When we are in the middle of a crisis, a health battle, a career failure, or a deep personal loss, we tend to view that moment as the final result. We feel like the story is over, and we lost.
But the part of the phrase “it’s not the end” introduces the concept of narrative flexibility. It reminds us that we are currently in the middle chapters. In any great story, the middle is where the conflict is highest, the hero is most tested, and the outcome looks the bleakest. If you stopped reading halfway through, you’d think the hero might be doomed. You must read the whole book to understand the full story. The “not okay” part is simply proof that the story is still being written.
Holding onto the belief that “it will be okay” isn’t just a mood booster, it’s a survival mechanism. When we decide that a situation is a dead end our brains trigger a massive, sustained stress response. Chronic cortisol floods the system, suppressing our immune cells and making us physically weaker. However, when we maintain a sense of hopeful expectancy, the belief that the current “not okay” status is temporary, we shift our physiology.
Believing that “it’s not the end” keeps the nervous system in a state of active coping rather than helplessness. This mental shift can actually help by giving us the physical stamina to keep moving until we reach that “okay” conclusion.
Perhaps the most important part of this saying is how we define “the end”. Being “okay” doesn’t mean the problem vanished or that we went back to exactly how things were before. Often, the “okay” at the end is a new version of ourselves, someone more resilient, more compassionate, or more aware.
The “end” isn’t a destination where all your problems are solved, it’s the point where you have integrated the struggle into your story and found a way to carry it. If you are still hurting, still struggling, or still searching, it just means you are still in the transformative stage.
If it’s not okay right now, keep going. You’re just still in the middle or the “in-between” (see The In-Between blog post). The next time you feel overwhelmed by a situation that feels decidedly not okay, try to view it through the lens of this quote. Don’t rush to fix the “not okay”. Instead, acknowledge it as evidence of your ongoing journey. Take a breath and keep your body’s innate ability to heal supported with hope.
While we are living, every single one of us is a work in progress, and the final chapter hasn’t been written yet.
